Relationships
How do we improve our relationships?First, we must learn to understand them.
What is a "Relationship" exactly? Well, it is the interaction between one person and another.
Anyone you interact with, you have a relationship with. It can be a co-worker, a parent, a spouse, a child, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, another relative or someone you meet just once on the street.
Every human interaction can be classified as a relationship of some sort.
There are many different relationships in our lives and sometimes, we struggle with how to create them, deal with them, make them last or just get along with someone.
A lot of the issues involved cross over between the different types of relationships.
But some of them are quite specific.
You may be asking how exactly to improve your relationship(s) and have gotten conflicting information.
First understand that you do not interact with a parent or child in the same way you would deal with someone you want to have, or already have an intimate relationship with.
The skills involved are not so difficult to learn and develop. However, most of the time I am asked to work with those who either want to find an intimate partner, or want to learn to deal with one they already have more effectively.
Interestingly, a lot of this is best handled, by dealing with our own internal struggles, perceptions, beliefs, habits and healing our own inner pain.
You see, what is happening inside of us has a profound effect on the way others perceive us and react to us in any given situation.
Therefore, a major part of improving our abilities in dealing with others, is found in changing and improving ourselves.
Think about it. If you are timid, afraid, unsure or panicking inside, people are going to detect that on some level and react to you differently than if you were calm, confident and self assured.
This is true across the full spectrum of our relationships.
On this page, I will mostly address the boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse aspects and make myself available to answer questions about how these skills cross over into the other areas of our lives.
Relationships can be very confusing! To understand them, it helps to understand ourselves.
Let's approach this from the perspective of wanting to form a solid intimate relationship with someone.
You are single and out on the town and you see that guy or gal who you find yourself attracted to.
What do you do? Well, of course you approach them and strike up a conversation! Many people panic inside when they consider this. Their mind races with issues!
"How do I approach them?" "How will they react to my approach?" "How do I act?" "Do I look OK?" "What do I say?" And so many other things. This is called approach anxiety. It is born out of a lack of confidence.
The overconfident person hurts themselves fast!Likewise the timid.
You have to remember, this person you want to engage in conversation does not know you. Until you approach them, they do not know you even exist! Their instinct will be the only thing they have to go on and if you are trembling with uncertainty, their instinct will recognize this and their warning systems will be screaming at them to be cautious.
On the other hand, if you are overconfident, their instincts will likely be absolutely screaming at them to get away from you.
But, when you are balanced inside, the energy you put out will be far different than those two extremes.
If you are approaching someone and inside you are preparing yourself for rejection?
The odds are, that's exactly what is going to happen.
You see, whats happening inside of us has a massive influence on the people around us.
On the other end of this, the overconfident person is putting off energy that is overbearing and likely will also get rejected.
But what does the person who is timid do to change themselves inside so they put out the proper energy?
How does the overconfident person dial it down, so they put out the proper energy?
First off, male or female, you need to clean up your past.
There are all kinds of Pick Up Artists, books, groups, camps and gurus for the guys.
For the ladies, there are also clubs, books, magazines and a multitude of other things vying for her attention.
All of these promise outstanding results, tell stories about amazing life transformations and so forth.
Some of them actually have a basis in fact.
But, if you have not corrected that which is inside yourself, nothing is going to succeed anywhere near as well as it could.
You see, they will plant seeds and tell you how to tend the plants that will grow, but if the soil is bad, nothing will grow right.
YOU are the soil!
If they are anywhere near legitimate, they say one thing.
That one thing is, "Be yourself."
And if you have it together, Are calm and serene inside, that will come to the surface and affect, in a positive manner, what happens.
That will lead to success and happiness.
However, if you are all over the place inside, panicking, uncomfortable, worried and unfocused, you can count on a disaster.
And there are thousands of self help books, videos, groups, gurus and so forth that will promise they can fix you.
Can they?
Now, you are expecting me to say I have the answer, I can fix you, right?
In fact, I DO have the answer. The answer is, nobody can fix you!
Except you.
That's the bad news.
Now, here is the good news!
You already have all of the tools needed to repair yourself in every conceivable metric, inside you, right now!
Now you are thinking, "That's great Memo, but where are they and how can I access them to do that? How do I use them?"
If you have read the "Hypnosis Info" pages here, you already have the answer to that question.
And what do you need to fix, to fix the issues?
That is an interesting question. And the answer is, there is no one answer to that question.
Confused yet?
The answer to that question is as different for every person as their DNA.
So, where do you start and what is the process to achieve this seemingly Herculean task?
First, relax, it is not as monumental as it seems. No matter how messed up you think you are, it can be done.
You can go for conventional psychotherapy and repair everything in just under 500 years!
Alternately, you can dig deep into yourself, be honest and repair it all in an amazingly short period of time, painlessly!
Go to the top of the "Hypnosis Info" page and read "Onion Is An Apple" by Stephen C. Parkhill. (Again if you have already)
Everyone has issues. They had a bad experience in the past with a relationship, or a teacher, or whatever.
The subconscious mind records all this and uses those issues to protect us from further trauma. This is why we do things we did not mean to, react in ways we know are going to mess things up and so forth. Our defense mechanism, left to its own device, overbuilds our protective mechanisms and this can really foul us up in almost anything we try.
But, with hypnosis, you can go in, tone down reactions, adjust feelings, create new reactions and do pretty much anything you can imagine, to enhance your life in any metric.
If you had a bad relationship, your subconscious built protection from further harm. But remember, its prime directive, it's number one job, is to protect you and often it will overdo it in ways that cause you problems all throughout your life. If a partner hurt you, is it good protection to see to it that you never have another relationship? Of course not! Good protection would be to attract and then have a relationship with a different type of person, right?
But, remember, it is the condition of us inside that dictates what types of people we attract!
If you had a bad relationship, you need to attract a different type of prospective partner in order to assure it does not happen again.
Many people go through their life, bouncing from one bad relationship to another, never knowing WHY this keeps happening.
I know, because I was one of them!
You must change yourself, to change who you attract.
When you set out to fix yourself inside, you are also setting out to change your entire life. Including all
of your relationships!
The reason is, if you are having a problem that won't go away, or keeps happening over and over, most likely the reason is something deep inside of you. Something in your past that your subconscious is protecting you from from experiencing again!
Your subconscious mind is the most powerful instrument of change known to man. It is where all changes are made. No exceptions!
Unfortunately, in an adult, the subconscious mind only has the maturity of a six year old.
Would you trust a six year old to make decisions that effect your entire life, without adult supervision?
Of course not! Therefore you must supervise and direct your subconscious mind yourself!
And the fastest and most effective way to do that, is through the use of hypnosis. And to do that right, you either have to be a proficient hypnotist, or you need one to guide your journey. A competent hypnotist understands the subconscious, knows how to work with it and negotiate with it, yes, sometimes we must negotiate with our subconscious mind to get the results we want. But most importantly the hypnotist knows how to communicate with the subconscious mind.
You see, you cannot always just sit down and talk it out.
My success rate is reliant on my being able to get the proper message to the subconscious. To know what to say, when to say it, how to say it and to understand the messages the subconscious is sending out.
What I am about to tell you, I have had some pretty "animated" exchanges with other hypnotists about over the years.
The subconscious does not have an organic language capability!
About a year ago I had a hypnotist argue this with me. They told me I was wrong as proven by the fact that they "talk to the subconscious mind all the time!" Now, this person is a member of a couple of the professional hypnosis organizations I am also a member of. First they touted their wall full of certifications and years of experience. I laughed at them and pointed out that the vast majority of certifications, a bird can get. Pay the fees, show up, sleep through the class and collect your certificate on the way out the door. Those certificates mean nothing to me. It is up to the hypnotist to see to it that they have learned the material.
They did not like that very much, but could not argue the point. So, I challenged them! I said, "You talk to the subconscious all the time, that's great! So, the next client you have that you must engage the subconscious directly, first, set up idiomotor signals, then isolate the subconscious completely and have your conversation! Let me know how that works out for you."
(Ideomotor signals are simple yes, no or I don't know messages delivered by raising a certain finger to give the answer)
That professional hypnotist never got back to me.
In fact, they have never spoken to me again and pointedly avoid me any time we are at a convention, gathering or training seminar.
I have to wonder how many times they have had to do the work repeatedly to get the results the client wanted.
You see, The subconscious does not have an organic language capability! In order to engage in a verbal discourse, the subconscious has to reach out to another part of the mind to get the verbal exchange interpreted. And that part of the mind has to reach out to yet another part to respond! Anyone who has worked with an interpreter will tell you that things do not always come out of the interpreter exactly as they went in. That is nobody's fault, it is just the reality of interpretations. Some words and concepts do not lend well to interpretation. And this will cause problems. As a minimum, it will slow the work to a crawl.
And a mistake in interpretation can destroy the entire project or negotiation.
Now, I will readily admit, in hypnosis, a conflict in interpretation is not something that is going to do a lot of harm, like, say, nuclear negotiations collapsing. A mistake like this in hypnosis generally just means nothing is going to happen or the process must be started over and done again to get the desired results.
That is not acceptable to me. When someone comes to me for help, they are trusting me to do the job right the first time and not waste their time and effort. I know how to speak the language of the subconscious. That's why I am considered a "master" hypnotist.
There are the basics. That's the human aspect of relationships. Because men and women are so different in certain ways, I refer you now to the appropriate section for these issues. Remember, the tools and solution are inside of you already!
Expect miracles, accept success